The Shadows of her Broken Heart
by filthysmile
Summary: Ultimately, all writing is about dying, and I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have? set post founder's day.


**Title: The Shadows of Her Broken Heart**

**Genre/type**: Het

**Word Count**: Over 10,000

**Pairing(s)/Character(s):** Damon/Elena, Damon/Elena/Stefan/Katherine.

**Rating**: T,

**Spoilers:** All the aired episodes.

**Wish:** Elena finally makes her choice.

**Warnings:** Strong language.

**Summary:** Elena finally makes her choice... not that she doesn't know who she wants to be with, but when Katherine arrives back into town she finds herself being drawn into her games. Slowly Elena comes around and begins to understand her, resent her, and then finally hate her. In the realities around Elena, she has to follow the path which will lead her to her kingdom, and avoid the games she is ultimately forced to play.

* * *

_In the end_

_These things matter most:_

_How well did you love?_

_How fully did you live?_

_How deeply did you let go?_

_-Siddhārtha Gautama_

I

_**The beginning, otherwise known as the day everything changes. Founder's Day.**_

_He ain't feelin' anything; my love, my hurt, or the sting of this rain._

_- Miranda Lambert, "Dead Flowers"_

She remembers this scene… the blood, all the blood she couldn't wash her hands of, a sea of red around her and the tears that just wouldn't stop forming. Then the bitch's teasing smile, and the simple statement "If I was you, Elena dear, I'd go check upstairs, I think Jeremy's feeling a little _poorly_".

She can't shake this feeling of utter despair because it seems that she has lost everyone in that moment, her biological father practically died in her arms a few seconds ago and she had felt his heart, expand, slow and stop; the thuddering stopped under the palm of her hand. Her stained hands are shaking as she wills herself to run, to run faster up the stairs to Jeremy's side…

... And then to see Jeremy's lifeless form on the bed, helpless, motionless.

It sends chills up her spine and still brings tears to her eyes. Elena has never been heartless, or without feelings, in fact she's more sentimental than anyone ever gives her credit for, she cares about the people she still _has_ in her life and Jeremy was her brother, he was all she had left. With Jeremy she thought she found someone who she could relate to, who knew all the pain she was feeling, this big dark gaping hole in her heart because they were _alone_. She thought he knew how much she needed him, so no maybe she didn't do drugs, she didn't act like a moody bitch all the time but she thought Jeremy wouldn't leave her. It was selfish, her thought process, she knew that much, but still… and for Katherine to stand over her and laugh at this broken mess, she found it was simply cruel. This was her first taste of Katherine Pierce.

Elena remembers the way her tiny hands were still stained and her whole body was shaking yet she still called 911 that night when everything started. The night she decided she couldn't let herself fall into Damon's tangled web.

When they pick up Jeremy's motionless body and take John's covered body, the doctors find a broken mess on the floor, her face is ghostly white and her whole persona completely wiped… it seemed like she had seen a monster, a ghost. Not sure of whether to leave her or to do something with her, they finally decide that it would be best to force her up from her futile position on the floor. Elena doesn't remember how she got to the hospital; all she remembers is that deadly white building where everything was clean but _her_. Founders Day had different memories, it was now this reoccurring nightmare of the squeaky clean hospital bathroom that had the smell of pure bleach and sterilised, clean surfaces; the second memory which come to her mind with the words "Founder's Day" is the furious scrubbing against her hands, trying to rub off the blood, to rub through her skin… these plaguing images keep her up at night, especially when she closes her eyes and in front of her is a field if white for infinity going on forever, there's nothing but white around her and when she looks down...

There's only pink water in the basin, and her clothes covered in now dry blood… the blood had made her feel tarnished. Not enough. Like always.

* * *

II

_**The Aftermath or otherwise known as the many times she's argued with Damon Salvatore.**_

"_Fundamentally, all writing is about the same thing; it's about dying, about the brief flicker of time we have here, and the frustration that it creates"._

_-Mordecai Richler_

Under the cover of the velvety night the stars shine dimly and the forest around hums with deadly creatures of the night. Supernatural and the usual owl sounds make this place spooky because only the selected people, and really the only ones that matter in their story, know what it is which hides between the folds of the seemingly still night.

Inside a tacky small-town bar a couple of young adults sit having dinner, from a third-point view a spectator may assume that they are in love, that he is courting her and that she is falling for every single one of his moves because their smiles are bright, brighter that the stars billions of miles away, brighter than the new moon smiling at them from the cottage windows. His hand unconsciously moves closer to hers and they don't really notice how in sync they are around the other, what really makes this poignant, though, is little things they do unconsciously, like moving napkins and swapping cutlery which re-enforces this picture of these young adults in love, if not beginning to realise it. An old couple may look at them and think "They'll be just like us in a while, they won't even notice where the time has gone", a girl who happens to be on an unfortunate date may think "Why are they so perfect together and _he_ won't even make any effort, this is so awkward!" and a middle aged man may believe that "that young man over there doesn't realise how lucky he is," and he may even hope that he doesn't "fuck it up," because maybe at some point in this man's life he was too on a 'date' of this sort, and he fucked it up..

On that low stooled, wooden table with a lamp hanging lowly over the top of their heads, the pair happen to have their first ever argument, and the only topic which may ever cause them to argue for real is: Stefan, and this first argument is sparked just by that same person. Admittedly, he would be a topic of many arguments to come but this one was particularly bad; she had been angry then sad and finally frustrated. Katherine was in town, and Stefan had gone on a _date_ with her, Elena was hurt (because Stefan couldn't tell the difference between herself and Katherine) and Damon was unreadable (but Elena really appreciated that Damon _had _known who was who.) This is how the argument starts: Damon and Elena are at the grill, both attempting to have fun, but mostly just enjoying each other's company. Their minds are not filled with mirror versions of Elena, heartbreaks or relationships. (She thanks god for that because she doesn't know how much of these _mind games _she can take) Whilst both of them have a drink and Elena eats dinner- she muses that some people may call it a date but they were just 'hanging out' (Elena finds that the sad thing is that, the first time she had smiled in days was when Damon suggested that they 'hang out like the cool kids'... it was this grand gesture in her eyes of yet another way he cares.) Their banter is fast, witty and fun for them, so both are oblivious to the world. Obviously, Damon has to ruin it by making a snarky comment about Katherine and Stefan; it fires up hurt deep within her heart because Elena feels that in this case, for Stefan she will never be enough. Damon questions whether this life she chose with his brother is right for her, and if she feels that he's enough to _stimulate her senses_. (He has been avoiding Katherine at all possible costs and therefore has watched too much television; apparently Elena's life is now being compared to a chewing gum advert). However, when he asks her that implied question, she knows exactly what he means, what he's truly trying to ask her. Maybe it scares her a little because she knows he can read her like an open book; but even though she has figured out what the real answer is (well pondered for hours upon hours about it, is more of the right description), still she lies to him, because he's _Damon_ and telling him the truth would never be good for anyone, including herself.

Yet, she certainly _wasn't_ Katherine… she wasn't going to promise Damon a future with her then change her mind. She wasn't going to leave both of them behind for a few hundred years either because she knows that both of the Salvatore brothers have had enough suffering and she was _tired_, too tired to think of whom she wanted to be with, so she lies to him about the "do you really want to be with my brother even though you are having a romantic dinner in a tacky place like this with his brother, even though you know that the said brother is openly and admittedly in love with you, and actually you are like Katherine if you pick Stefan-_poo_. So is it really enough?" question, "It's enough for me!" She cries with frustration, maybe trying to convince herself more than him, her annoyance creeps in as she thinks he may know it.

Their quick, safe, banter has turned into a heavy silence. She knows he's going to call her on her bullshit but she doesn't really think he can make her see, or she make him. She does love Stefan, in her own way. He sighs; she can see him processing the recent events in his head, the wolves, Caroline and her newfound vampirism, the funeral, Stefan's confusion with his life's choices...

"Is it? Normalcy, he cannot give you. Immortality he's not going to give you, he won't be there… when you get old and wrinkly" Damon scrunches up his own nose, thinking it would be strange to see Elena old, and he is not used to this image- his mind knows the eternal, youthful image of Katherine which somewhat merges with Elena's. Not to say that he doesn't think of them as separate people, he does, the images however, he can't control. "You think he sees the difference between you two?" He means her and Katherine, "He looks at you and he sees a better Katherine" it was a low blow, and Damon was very aware of that but he was getting increasingly annoyed with her. Why couldn't he make her see things the way he saw them?

"That's not true", she protests, her forehead creases in confusion. She hasn't thought of it this way, of course, it annoys her how she wasn't enough for anyone, but deep down she knew that was simply down to her new-found self-esteem issues and her general state of mind right now.

"He sees the ability to nurture you, to protect his little, fragile Elena. You're basically a human version of a china doll." He brings his drink to his lips and sips leisurely, "God forbid something happens to his precious Elena." He spits out, making her send him a questioning glance, as she thinks that they are beginning to tread dangerous waters. In fact, both of them had been drinking and in her opinion, it would be a shame to end this evening with spiteful words (whether true or not, it doesn't particularly matter) All Elena knows is that she is frustrated with him, with Stefan and moreover with herself. She sighs heavily, studying his face for a minute. Damon's face is calm, complete with the usual _I_-know-more-than-_you_ look, that doesn't surprise her, and she finds herself thinking about the recent events.

"What and you? You want to peel the layers of and explore and corrupt me?" She raises her eyebrows, not quite angry yet. (She was about three quarters of a way there, and both of them know it)

"I don't need to corrupt you." His simple statement sends an unwelcome chill up her spine, she's not sure that his control over her body is such a good thing. She had made up her mind about them, (at least she was about ninety nine point nine percent sure of this), and this whole he-can-make-me-melt-with-a-simple-sparkle-of-the-eyes was not working for her because she was getting annoyed with herself for feeling like this... all confused and her insides tingling because of his mere presence. She kind of resented herself, for liking Damon more than Stefan, for resenting Stefan because he'd picked Katherine or was basically about to, and because her stupid pride was screaming at her to let him go (Stefan) and be happy, but she couldn't, then Katherine would win, and Elena really couldn't have that.

Basically, she was resenting everyone and everything and the effect that Damon had on her was beginning to frustrate her and to make her lash out at the said people whom she actually resented. This whole thought process made her angry with Damon, "I'd rather be somebody's china doll than a twisted experiment to pass the time", She says coolly, collecting her belongings off the table in a hurry.

"Where are you going?" His annoyance is evident in his husky voice. It had been a few days before Damon began to get confused about her sudden mood swings around him, at first he'd thought she was on her period but he couldn't smell any blood so she was a mystery to him, and humans weren't supposed to be this hard to understand, yet Elena was reaching a new high.

"Away from you." At these cold words both of them realise how good of friends they had become and at the same time it is evident how blown up this argument is going to be… neither knows how the argument became so _big_ in their little twisted version of a friendship. The bitterness both parties feel had not completely left either's body. But, at the end of the night he is left alone for the rest of the night, before he picks up a bubbly blonde at the bar. He takes comfort in the fact that she looks nothing like Katherine or Elena, at that moment he was free of all the drama around him.

As Elena makes her way home she contemplates turning around and going back in there, finally when she makes her mind up and pulls into the restaurant she watches as Damon pulls the blonde into his own car, her heart shutters, but she isn't really that surprised.

It was a pointless, grey day, which had made Elena neither happy nor unhappy. The weather was very bleak, and so was her mood and the general atmosphere around her. There was one very big question looming over her head but she didn't want to think. Actually all she wanted to do was put a little bit of slow, soul-searching music on and write until her wrist ached and her whole body numb from being in the same position for so long.

She weighs her options, - life, the death; moral, un-moral, purgatory, hell, heaven?

- Really she doesn't know where to begin; finally she gets up and takes out a photo of all of them at "The Grill". Both tower over her, nice and tall but she can't begin to compare. Elena stands up and paces and paces and paces… the images flicker in her mind, her choices, and her decisions, mostly her past.

She had to choose between two brothers, one sweet, caring; the other dark, yet also caring but in an unopened, secretive, seductive way, which made her want to _explore _him. What irritates her most is that she viewed Damon as a map, in the way that she could imagine herself being able to travel and travel around these new exciting countries or parts of him and be able to find out more about him, however, she can't decide whether this little city map she's got with Stefan is the best thing she can have. One "map" was safe and familiar, the other… not so much. Then she finds that this metaphor she chose for them then was possibly the stupidest thing she could've chosen and she finds herself chuckling at these memories, but she approves her own thoughts because she knows she had been thinking and comparing them for almost too long, so it is not surprise, really that she may had been going slightly crazy.

Her thoughts kick-start again, Stefan was good, he always called when he said he'd call, he would hold her hand and coo sweet things into her ear. She's safe with him, he's safe. Damon was… different. He was intriguing, he'd call her in the most unexpected time, he'd tell her everything he was thinking only using his eyes. He'd look out for her and pick up the pieces when Stefan couldn't, and though she doesn't like to admit it, Stefan did leave her and disappointed her a lot more than the average person, like say, Damon. But of course, Stefan was the safe choice. The choice which was already taken, and that was why she _had_ to have him.

"_If you want to reveal something, you have to hide it properly first,"_ she thinks ironically, and maybe she was always a little bit too much like Katherine to let Stefan go.

The couple lie on the sofa in the boarding house, neither really knows how they got to this place but her head is in on lap, they'd been discussing her relationship with Stefan (her favourite topic), Damon is already on a short fuse before she decides to change the topic Katherine, (re-paying the favour really, she was most certainly his most favourite topic).

"Maybe she's just misunderstood?" ponders Elena, referring to Damon's now ex-love of his love, and her most hated enemy.

"Maybe this, maybe that," he mimics her with disgust evident in the creases of his face, bitterness lacing his voice. The daggers he shoots down at her makes her stop momentarily, which then allows him to continue his little epiphany, "the problem with you, Elena," he begins, lazily drawing the words out. "Is that you always want to find a shred of good in us, you have to get a glimpse to reassure yourself that we're still human" He reaches for his glass on the right of him and swallows yet another gulp of his whisky, finishing what seems like a bottle-worth with that glass. He waits until his words sink in, and she watches his face set into a statuette-like glare. His left hand unconsciously strokes her long straight hair.

"The problem with you Damon" she mocks his tone and glares in turn, shifting her head closer towards his torso, her features set eerily like that of Katherine's- a mixture of pleasure and anger (only her pleasure is in the movements of his hand and anger at his words) "you try to re-assure yourself that you _aren't _human, you're this" her words come quickly, and she pauses for quarter of a second to think of the most suitable way to say it, "this eternal piece of rock, and nobody can chip away the edges because you're _Damon Salvatore" _in her frustration she lifts her arms up to emphasize her point and huffs out loud, he finds it mildly amusing because her position is awkward and her huffing raises her chest which just makes him grin down at her, a suggestive look on his face as he begins slowly scratching at her skull.

"What's the fun in that, you twisting my words" his Cheshire-like smile makes her fume; she feels as if she is about to erupt because she wants to hit him so badly, her arm is twitching, but her eyes still roll to the back of her head.

"There we go again; the armour is back into place; why can't you accept that it isn't simple enough to just turn it off!" She exclaims, referring to his humanity, her voice is a soft, furious whisper.

They sit like that for several minutes, but lost within their position it feels like hours. "It is off" He says, talking about his humanity but his face is set in such a content look, her eyes fly open instantaneously and she's tearing herself away from their intimate moment.

"So this caring side, is just an act? It's just a ploy to get under Stefan's skin?" her timid voice questions his intentions and for once Damon has to think of the right response. Even if his 'humanity' is off her doe eyes boring into his own always make the switch automatically turn on. He couldn't tell her that's it was all her fault- _she made him feel. _

"Yes." He affirms, and tries to tell himself the friendship he had built up with Stefan's girlfriend who looked like his supposed love of his life is only a way to get to Stefan. He snaps out of his thoughts and smiles cruelly (just like Katherine taught him) at her, "And don't you think I deserve an Oscar for the part?" He smiles boyishly and pats her head in a patronizing manner.

She nods and gets up, somewhat hurt that he won't tell her the truth and also very much confused about why she wants to learn the _real_ truth. (Or what she thinks is the real truth because Elena refuses to believe every smile, touch, every moment they have spent together is a lie. She refuses to.)

Over her shoulder she mutters quietly, and turns to face his sitting form "I believe nobody ever gave her a chance so she feels that she has to corrupt everything she has in her possession, because she's been left so many times she doesn't see the hurt seeping through her façade" she pauses, and lets the words sink in, his expression is questioning as if he's already forgotten that they were, again, arguing about Stefan but more so about Katherine's humanity "- she's oblivious to this, and maybe one day you'll realise that you two are the same, and if you don't hold onto that humanity you'll become completely lifeless, and then I won't be there to care anymore, Damon and then you truly will be alone." Her words feel like a sharp stake punching through his heart over a hundred times, each time he feels it filling up his chest and then leaving his dead heart, until finally there really is a big gaping hole in this lifeless organ.

* * *

III

_**Moving On or otherwise known as trying to forget.**_

"_I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."_

_-Charlie Brown_

In the process of moving on, everybody must try and realise their feelings, Elena always tries to do this whilst she's in her mourning process- she's found that while she may never really get over the deaths of her loved ones, she will try and reflect upon herself while she is in her acceptance stage.

The most thought-provoking time is during the night, she had decided this a long time ago, also this idea that everything looks better during the night is completely wrong because she knows how many demons there are, who lurk in the shadows, who like to see good people _like her_ suffer (or who _are_ the shadows who _do_ make her suffer) just because of her looks, (but more so her stupid resemblance to _one_ person) or just because they can make her suffer for the sake of it. So as she paces in Jeremy's hospital room, her feet just making a slight squeaking noise along the floor all she can think is that she doesn't need anyone there, she doesn't want Stefan's help or his support, of course it would be nice to have someone hold her hand but she wasn't really in the same boat as him, she didn't want to be this _new_ person who lies and covers up the truth because of some love which isn't even good for her (nor really pure, if she ponders on this thought for long enough). And it is in that exact moment she realises she's all alone because Stefan and Damon will stay and play games, life-threatening games, with Katherine; Bonnie basically hates her and she has no one left.

Nobody cares about her.

On that dreary, dark night there's this looming cloud over Elena because she does want support but she has gotten so used to covering up her feelings for the sake of someone else that she simply has nobody there for her. She has to decide that this life she chose with Stefan, what is it really about? Why is it that nobody asks her how she's dealing with the fact that her vampire boyfriend went off the rails? Why her? Why is this life enough for her? Elena sometimes gets into these apathic moods where she feels she has to torture herself just that little more.

Usually, it starts fine, with the slow rhythm of rain hitting the back window, and then as the rain speeds up and the thumps are harsh against her low-ceiling windows she wishes her heart would beat that hard, she wishes she could feel the thumping against her rib cage, she wished the turmoil inside her to calm as the rhythmic beats of the rain calm, the calm after the storm should be within her. She's sure the showers outside shouldn't make her shake and shiver with each thunderous drop.

She can't concentrate looking at Jeremy's limp body so when the heart monitor beeps one long beep she hears the thunder's load clack and feels Damon's strong hands wrap around her torso as her legs give out and she falls in slow motion to the floor, the anger is bubbling out of her howling sobs, and her shaking becomes uncontrollable. Even his soothing strokes don't calm her down.

In the midst of her tears and her shaking she leans further into her comforting support, she's glad that it is Damon holding her together.

Over the passing weeks Katherine seeps her way back into Stefan's life and Damon occupies much of Elena's time, he takes her out to dinner and they hang out at the boarding house… There was Stefan trying to think of any way to explain his new attachment to his 'maker' and there were the ones who were left behind, Damon and Elena trying to escape their respected 'other halves'.

No matter how much reassurement Stefan provided Elena, she was convinced he was lying to her, and she couldn't understand what his strange behaviour was about, at one point she asks him whether he cheated on her with the bitch but his consistent denial convinces her that it wasn't that…the only conclusion Elena could come up is blackmail, and she really didn't want to know what game the three were playing. Elena spent most of her time doing three things, spending time with Damon (which almost always ended with an argument between the two), arguing with Stefan (because he was spending a little _too _much time with her twin look-alike) and pondering the meaning of her life. A few months into Katherine's arrival Elena is at her graveyard, sitting against her parent's grave, doodling in her diary when a mysterious stranger, a very good-looking mysterious stranger, makes his identity known to her. That really when she starts to put everything into perspective.

It is a dull day, a very bleak, meaningless day in her prolonged existence.

The slight tapping against her ceiling windows is beginning to irritate her but at the same time she's comfortable in this position. Colourful as her thoughts are she's still remembering tiny fragments of her past life.

Every action has a reaction- that was the theme. Everything in this world reacts with something or other; she knows that one too well. Atoms in everybody's cells are reacting and every single feeling we have comes from our brain that reacts with the information we receive. Atoms react and create bombs, which cause huge explosions.

Maybe it was too late to delay the reaction? That thought never occurred to her.

Elena knows that he hears her come up the drive, she understands that he can feel the uncertainty she feels as she takes a few minutes, and afterwards calculated steps to the Salvatore boarding house. He hears also her rhythmic heartbeat, too calm, too controlled. In that respect she supposes she is like Katherine, Elena thinks that even in those days her utter self-control of everything showed how alike the two really like. This snake-like control that she displayed around Stefan and Damon in particular should've warned her in advance.

Back then, though she forces herself not to take a gulp of air before she knocks on the daunting door in front of her. Her breaths were still very calculated. She braces herself, as she knew that with her luck the brother she really didn't wish to see would be the one she was forced to confront first.

"I'm here to see Stefan"

"Ah, the knight with the Edward Cullen hair, the brooding puppy-lover, the luminous moon to your dark, dark night... that Stefan?" He said, his tall frame almost leering over her. She couldn't help but think that she liked it, him trying to intimidate her, predator to prey, in turn she stood up taller, and as she said her next words, both of them were surprised at the somewhat distaste that laced them. "On the surface, yes that Stefan." He sent her a quizzical look and choosing to ignore it, she strutted past him into the kitchen.

"St Stefan is up in his bedroom" Damon announced and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as she turned to give him an 'I know' look. "Whatcha kids gonna do? Recite poetry to one another?" the somewhat bitter undertone to his voice did not go unnoticed by Elena.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you care!" she amused him with her bitchy tone, a warning, he knew. He knew that she knew bitchy Elena turned him on.

"Oh, you minx! How you know me so." His Shakespearian accent makes her roll her eyes.

"Oh, oh, code red, call Stefan, I think she just winked at me." She smiles to herself and in turn winks at him quickly, but then fussing around the kitchen… she almost forgets he's there until he starts again: "You know Elena, I pity you" She raises an eyebrow in question and waits for him to carry on, whilst turning around and pouring herself a drink from the tap. "You lack fun in your life," He nods thoughtfully, as if he had figured out some big mystery he had been puzzling over for weeks. She turns, her eyes sparkle with mischief as she gulps down the water, thinking of a response, which won't sound dirty or provoke any more comments from Damon.

"As opposed to all the fun you always have" her sarcasm is almost sadistic, she hated these conversations because she'd be reminding herself that she was in love with this person… she continues on, "drinking, picking up some random girl at a suspicious joint? I wonder- can vampires get STDs?" She says, now annoyed because she knows he's like that because it was his mechanism, his way of life.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were jealous" he's amused.

"Nah, just feel sorry that you know, you have to do that to have at least a bit of dignity left, after all Katherine stole most of it" Her non-chalet tone makes him annoyed, she goes to the bar and pours herself a glass of amber liquid, intending to drown it. His hiss makes her turn abruptly, and face him square on. After she drowns the glass, her eyes locked with his, Elena wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Giving him a knowing look, he stands watching her with fascination as the whiskey doesn't make her shudder, instead the blood in her veins run faster, he feels himself boiling with anticipation for a taste of her delicious red juices, though he quickly squashes this feeling. He notices that she gave him a small, private smile. They swapped places, him by the bar, her making her way closer to the stairs.

"Oh no, you aren't the victim here, Damon." Her eyes blaze with fire, shining brightly against the dark starless night.

"And you are, miss perfect?" frustration, he feels a lot of it in that moment.

"You know what Damon, think whatever you want, the difference is I'm _human_ and I'm tired of all you supernatural _vampire, werewolves, witches _I just want to scream for everybody to leave the hell **alone**! How is it my fault that I look like your ex-girlfriend? Or that my boyfriend loves her more than me? Or that my best friends are on _her _side. Could you just tell me that? What exactly have I done in my _unimportant, uninteresting, dull_ existence?"

"Why don't you go ask your boyfriend that?" His simple suggestion makes her uncontrollable anger nearly boil over; she intended to completely stake these to idiots by the end of the day.

She mutters a soft 'ha', "That would naturally make your day complete, right? If I had made that same speech with a few amendments."

"See, now the winning point of that speech would be at the end of your colourful rant at the fallen angel," He begins humorously, "but when you tell Stefan that you hope he chokes on the witch's blood and dies next to a dead puppy because you can bring yourself to care anymore, and then my day would be complete…" and as she climbs the stairs her final words echo off the walls. "Goodbye Damon, have a nice day." And as an afterthought she adds, "why don't you go visit your dead relatives in the alternate universe you call home?" her words ring loud and clear in the silent house, and as the door to Stefan's room bangs closed Damon realises all of them are in deep, deep shit because someone had finally revealed the complete truth.

* * *

**IV**

**-**_**Meeting new allies, or otherwise known as collecting the final pieces. **_

There are random moments —tossing a salad, coming up the driveway to the house, ironing the seams flat on a quilt square, standing at the kitchen window and looking out at the delphiniums, hearing a burst of laughter from one of my children's rooms— when I feel a wavelike rush of joy. This is my true religion: arbitrary moments of nearly painful happiness for a life I feel privileged to lead. Think of the way you sometimes see a tiny shaft of sunlight burst through a gap between rocks, the way it then expands to illuminate a much larger space —it's like that. And it's like quilting, a thread surfacing and then disappearing into the fabric of ordinary days. It's not always visible, but it's what holds everything together.

_-"The Art of Mending" by Elizabeth Berg_

She learns that the good-looking stranger is actually a vampire, who is sent by Alaric, her old ally and a somewhat brotherly/uncle figure still left in her life. (Alaric and Jenna had left after Elena's poor auntie couldn't live with herself after the discovery of Jeremy. Elena completely agreed with this decision, in fact she encouraged Jenna, in her zombie state, to pack her bags and to comeback when she was ready, or not at all- either way Elena would too leave this town as soon as she finished school.) Before they left (after the funeral) Alaric had promised to dig anything up on Katherine, and in consequence Elena was expecting a vampire or human messenger from Alaric. The stranger wasn't really a surprise in this story, he was just a messenger- or so it seemed.

Em was the name he introduced himself as, and the stranger had light sandy hair and mysterious cat-shaped green eyes. His skin wasn't fair in the slightest, in fact he had an air of a foreigner as if he had descended from distant Italian blood because of the prominent way his muscles moved in the loosely hanging khaki shirt he wore and the shade of his skin suggested he didn't come from a small town like she, but instead this individual had travelled and seen many life-altering things. Instantly, Elena took a liking to this newfound ally in her on-going battle with the serpent by the name Katherine.

She can remember it now, him asking politely (too politely for the modern day age) if he may sit with her and her nod in agreement gives him the green card he thought would take a longer time to earn. Something within Elena told her that this man would be a key figure in this mess; she somehow knew that when he touched her hand that he'd help her, he wasn't like _her; _Elena felt that by forming this bond, they would eventually help each other out, one way or another. Actually, it is upon thinking about it sometime after their introducing scene, that she decides this- but in the real world what happened when he sat down was Elena couldn't really care less who killed her at that point, she was just a waiting the moment Kathy decided to pay her a visit. Elena consciously realised it would have to be with Damon and Stefan in the room, to cause them more suffering less unbearable. Or alternatively it would be when she was alone; perhaps walking along some road with a dead-end at the end, or some secluded corner of the town they all now seemed to share, so as to fake an accidental tragedy of Elena Gilbert's death. Or worse Katherine could fake Elena's _suicide_ to make the boys feel they weren't enough for _her_. There were many ways Katherine could destroy Elena, in fact she had already began tearing away Elena's defence walls, so in conclusion Elena upon seeing Em at that moment genuinely doubted that Katherine would send a blonde, physically fit guy to finish Elena off, it seemed more than unlikely that she didn't want to finish the job herself.

"Hey Emmy," She begins, calling him into the kitchen.

"Hey Elena," His dazzling smile brightens up her morning slightly, she is at the kitchen counter pouring herself some coco pops into a blue bowl and pivots towards the fridge to get the milk out. He watches her in amusement about how ordinary this girl is, and how unlike Katherine all of her actions are, it fascinated him to no end, to the point where he had become slightly obsessed with finding the changes between his supposed queen and this down-to-earth, identical in looks but so different in characteristics.

"What do you think is worth living for?"

Now Em wasn't an idiot, he had noticed how Katherine's effect damaged many people before Elena, and now that got to know Elena, (and having known her background anyway- her parents, her brother) he could see that Katherine didn't really need to apply much thought or pressure into getting Elena on her way to self-destruction.

"I love life because of the little memories that created it, and the people that created those memories."

Life was beginning to settle down, she wasn't really dating either Salvatore, she found they were too preoccupied with Katherine to really pay any attention to what she wanted or who was the new friend in her life (Damon would make passing comments about the new 'boy toy' that Elena was throwing into everyone's face, but she disagreed, Damon hadn't even seen who the guy was… all he knew was that Elena had a new visitor, a permanent visitor in her house, and Elena thought it was _such _a shame that Damon was dying of curiosity to know exactly who that was) . Em asked Elena to wait for an introduction to either Salvatore, even now she can recall his words that "it'll be worth it in the end", his serious face demanded trust and she knew that once he believed that he possessed most of hers (because he wasn't a fool to assume she'd ever trust anyone completely,) he'd tell her what he had to say.

_**V**_

_**Discovering the truth, or otherwise known as closure **_

_It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it._

_Jodi Picoult_

Emmy smiles slightly, knowing how hard it will be for her to find everything out… he knows that whilst she may appear like a strong little girl, with a defense mechanism like no other, she is far from what she makes out to be. This will ultimately be the weapon, which may really destroy any remains of Elena Gilbert, and Em. His head argues with his heart on this one, because if she doesn't find out then she'll die for a lost cause, and he didn't really want that, he didn't want her to die in the first place, but if this was the prophecy, then it was by royal law that he was bound to tell her the whole story. They sit in her living room, her busy fidgeting in a un-lady like manner, him trying to find the words to begin, as he knows he does have a pretty big chunk of her trust.

She fidgets on the sofa and raises her hips up a few times before finding the right position, flipping the channels on the TV she finally settles for How I Met Your Mother and watches the episode intently, Em watches her in turn and his unsettling thoughts are beginning to calm in his head,

"If you don't stop trying to burn a hole in my head I may literally scream," she states, and after laughs at Marshall.

"Sorry, not trying to burn anything" He seems apologetic enough; she decides and proceeds to ignore his anguished glances towards her. Her sighs- a long and a lazy sigh and stretches further, moving her feet from under her bum and stretches like a cat.

"Do you know what, Elena, let's go for a drive?" He half-asks half-tells her. They need somewhere where she might not want to stake him to his death… and he may know just the place.

She nods mutely, sensing his urgent tone and the creases on his young-looking face, maybe now she'll find out why over the last few days he has been in deep thought. They listen to strange folk music in his Porsche, her hands drum against the gray leather of the seats; he pretends not to get annoyed at the noise, she had been patient with him after all.

When they arrive at the docking area she seems excited to get out of the tension-filled car and instantly runs down to the water of the lake. Though there is a difficult, slippery hill before the water starts, she does eventually make it down without slipping or tripping, and as she comes face to face with the clear blue water, the tension leaves her body and she waits for her vampire companion to calm and make his way to her, it doesn't really take him more than 20 seconds, and somehow she knows that whatever is revealed in the next few minutes will be life-altering.

He stands next to her and gulps the clean forest air down, "Did you know that vampires aren't actually meant to walk among the humans?" His serious face makes her laugh, "Well I though at least _that much _was obvious, you're bloodthirsty beasts," She smiles at him brightly, calming him down in an instant... he ponders upon how safe Elena can make him feel in a few seconds, how she had the necessary people skills to make his kind, or generally anything supernatural to quieten, she had the nurturing skills to lead his nation far. "_Men may have discovered power, but women learned how to play with it"_ Katherine's favourite quote which she had religiously repeated in her court, he thinks in this instant this applies to Elena, she knew not of how much power she has, and how much more she could gain, but it was all ahead, and he hoped she would want the coming responsibilities.

"Before I begin to tell you of the origin of vampires, I need you to promise to listen carefully. You'll have the missing pieces in your head but just bear with all that I have to say." She nods in response and he gestures towards the dry grass as if to nudge her to sit down; both of them face the other and he begins when he thinks she's comfortable enough.

"The vampires first came onto this side, I suppose the mortal side of "reality" to build forces up for the coming civil war, see Katherine had claimed the thrown after her father died a vicious death, and I'll tell you about that one later, but for _now_ nobody knew about the prophecy or what role the Salvatores would play... as the civil war was between Katherine's central state (which included the top half of the kingdom)," He wasn't speaking quickly, it was only the key points which she could really make out, her mind read _prophecy, dead, different reality_, he notices her confused face and adds in-between his upper kingdom explanation… "Sorry this must be confusing, I wish I had a map to explain but I guess if you just try and follow, okay?" She nods in response, unsure of what else to say. He follows on, "But yes, it is Katherine's main command- which isn't the army it's actually her Royal Guard, called the KPs, you can imagine why." She noticed this about him a long time ago; he wasn't in the slightest bit fond of Katherine or her very prominent arrogance and her devotion to herself.

Emmy talks for a while longer about the guard and Katherine's court, mentioning different names and key political figures, she doesn't really listen all that much, not because she was being rude but because of the over-whelmed she feels. It's like: what does a human being do when she or he finds out magic is real? But moreover, what does someone do when they realise there are different _worlds, _never mind simply dead people walking and talking. Different species, different galaxies, different everything… she was pondering this but then tunes back into Em's lengthy explanation; he has changed from Dark to Light. "The other side call themselves the light side," He talks about how poor the nation is and how they're suffering because people like Stefan are forced to feed on usual blood, "As human blood is actually the biggest luxury on the 'market' if you like, we have our own artificial stuff made of human components," Her face turns amused and he has some indication that she is actually paying attention, that she hasn't yet had a heart attack! "What like true blood?" her face is full of amusement. "We plan to sue the show, that idea was a complete and utter rip off!" his frustrated voice makes her laugh ring deep and around the lake, she notices how the birds rise up and fly all around the lake, the afternoon sky a clear blue, with patchy, threatening clouds creeping in. She smiles at him and shakes her head, muttering an affectionate "idiot" under her breath. He rolls his eyes and smiles, showing his teeth. Continuing his story he talks about Katherine's family and begins the fatal part which concerns her: "In the king's court there was a little boy, his name was Matthew, and this little boy who was the king's favourite servant, well he wasn't really a servant but the king's half son, at least that is what is believed by everyone around, otherwise Matthew wouldn't have received the luxuries of learning how to fight vampires, kind of like fencing in the Hamlet days, or like boxing but on a professional level. As you can probably imagine Katherine detested this boy, she wanted to rip him from bits to bits because she needed to be the favourite and the best at everything. She really resents him," Emmy's thoughtful voice takes her a bit aback, as if he was only realising it now, he snaps out of his thoughts and adds as an afterthought, "well it doesn't really matter, she's a horrible bitch who couldn't govern a kingdom even if it bit her in the ass" This truly makes Elena smile, she respects him a little more for the hate he feels towards her, she's missed this view from everyone around her… Damon, Stefan, Caroline… everyone seemed on the other side of the boat at the moment, maybe it was because she'd put a massive distance between herself and these people but she couldn't really be sure, maybe it was her fault that she wasn't fighting enough to let them see who Katherine really was. Elena smiles at him, "Our little queen doesn't like to share, then?" Her snide comment is snippy, and he adds in "after Matthew lived as long as his dad's will said he could in the palace he was forced out by her majesty, and no I suppose not, no, we can see that from her obsession with the Salvatores," he rolls his eyes and continues his first story, "Nevertheless, the boy truly was close to his majesty and claims that on his deathbed he proclaimed a prophecy, this infamous prophecy stated _'one who looks like a Pierce, who is of that descend and carries the Gilbert name, shall become the ruler of this kingdom,'_ There were only five people who knew of this prophecy, Katherine, Stefan, Damon, Matthew, and Miss Pearl, of course, Katherine's mother." Her eyes fly open and her eyebrows are lost in her hairline, "Pearl is what?"

"Katherine's mother, wait how do you know who she is?" He looks miffed, as if she had somehow stolen his thunder in the telling of the story.  
"My brother," her voice chokes, "dated Anna, in fact he took her blood before he decided to commit suicide, it didn't work though, he still died."  
"Miss Pearl is alive and well with Annabelle then?" she's disappointed to give him the wrong answer, he seems angry at the new discovery of the downfall of these two key figures in the story. Elena thinks for a minute, Katherine betrayed her own mother! She had left her to rot in a tomb of servants.

"See Katherine sulked for weeks at the thought of not having the ultimate power of the whole kingdom under her thumb. Her dad had the knowledgeable ability to pre-tell the future, that's how his family secured the Kingdom in the first place, it wasn't decisions made at the time, it was his useful gift to see the future, and if he said that this would likely happen, it probably was. And while she was in 'mourning' she had her suitors within the kingdom's 'government', I think 'government' is the human word, no?" she nods, interested in the rest of the story, "had decided to give her the power after all, they weren't aware of the prophecy and the other people could obviously see how sad and distraught Katherine was, she had somehow managed all of them to swear to her, (as their queen she really demanded,) that they would never reveal the prophecy to anyone, all but one swore with killing curses forced upon them. Matthew, after she had decided to get rid of her daddy's precious boy, went around the country telling all of the people who knew that he was not lying, (he was too a very influential Pierce, even if the other half came from a poor servant mother, Matthew had inherited all of the good things his parents possessed- he had possessed his father's power of speech, his strength and loyalty to what he believed was right, he had possessed his mother's ability to speak and be noticed.)" he pauses to take a deep breath, let her process everything. "What the king had said had not only killed Katherine and her self-esteem but, this vicious rumour spread through the whole kingdom, right down to the south, and end of the kingdom. As her rule grew more tyrannical, people were less and less impressed with the way the kingdom was run. You have to understand Katherine adopted the policy that fear was the best way of control, and it probably is the best way to get your way but in a world of angry _eternal_ souls, they don't want to be governed by a bitch that only has her own interest at heart," she nods in understanding, the facts, the basis of the story laid out in front of her eyes.  
"And the Salvatores come into this how?"

"Well the brothers were from a human family but only human for years and years before they let anyone believe. The Salvatore name has been around for millions of years; they're the old money of the vamps. Damon Salvatore had fallen in love with Katherine on a visit to his godfather, the King, or her father. He serenaded her with gifts and took her out, and basically those two were the perfect match," Emmy's eyes roll back, and somehow Elena feels a pang in her chest, she didn't think that Damon and Katherine were the perfect match at all; in fact she wished she could let Em get to know the real Damon, _her _Damon.

"In my opinion anyway," He begins, sensing the tension at his slip of the tongue, "he'd give her enough freedom to play her games whilst he was away on service and she'd have a steady husband who'd inherit what was rightfully hers anyway and she doubted that Damon wouldn't be kept out of control." She had to agree, one of Damon's best qualities was the immense loyalty he and to the ones he held dear (or loved, depending which way you looked at it).

"But Stefan comes to the Kingdom, mysterious circumstance, if you ask me, but quickly the pair were engaged, just like that!" He seems annoyed at this, because it does seem like everybody believed Katherine was in love with Damon, and she knew from personal experience that so was he.

"Everybody was miffed and Damon especially was very much heartbroken and angry. What the brothers didn't know is that Katherine was in love with another prince from one of the neighbouring kingdoms, he died suddenly after some savages attacked him in the palace, so at this point her family had ultimate control over what and who she did, if you catch my drift." She did understand, again at the state she was in at the moment she probably argues that Em, with his best intentions at heart, did manipulate her into trusting him, because in normal circumstances she would've left by the point the word 'prophecy' was mentioned.

"At this point the king dies and Katherine realises she's been played. I think within her first few months of rule, she does fall in love with Stefan in her own little way. She sends the boys to the mortal side, this side and traps them in this reality. Basically she betrays them because she doesn't want to marry Stefan and she knows that because she'd already betrayed Damon (who had by this point completely sucked into her web of lurrrrve,) she needed him to go sulk in some place where he wouldn't cause any nuisance to her or her plans.

The brothers began to play a game, "who finds the Gilbert look-alike" wins. Well because you are the Gilbert look-alike, you should know the rest of the story." He finishes neatly, she saw where this story was heading anyway, she wasn't surprised was just annoyed that she was once more merely a game to the boys, merely a game to anyone. Elena, or the Gilbert look-alike, sits silently for 5 minutes exactly; Em counts the seconds precisely, just as she breathes in and out, in a manner of trying to calm herself.

"Emmy, I'd like you to drop me off at the boarding house, I need to tell certain two assholes that their little game is over."

Mostly that's the reason she needs a strong drink, preferably something disgusting like whisky, and why she finds Emmy speeding down the narrow road towards the Salvatore Abode. Elena finds that she'll begin conversing with Damon first, she's had more control over her urges to stake him, and so she'll subtly hint at their demise. Then she'd see Stefan, she imagines his face looking shocked and innocent, his deep eyes full of sorrow and regret, and she imagines Damon's panicked face when he hears about it, she could even bet her right arm that if she really tried with a little bit of banter, she could possibly make Damon speechless, because she knew of their infidelities, and they were not going to like not being in control.

* * *

_**VI**_

_**- Finding Neverland, otherwise known as discovering their common land.**_

_We all make choices. But in the end, our choices make us._

_- Andrew Ryan_

The castle in which they found themselves was an old Roman structure, made out of sandy stone and massive windows, prince charming and Cinderella had finally found their home...

But they haven't really, Elena is in her washed out skinny jeans and her hands are firmly by her side, she notices Em send her a sideways glance, unsure of what to make of her current state of mind, so far he wasn't the one disappointing her, this new role she had discovered of his involvement in the story is quite something.

She faces the castle square on, her mind closed off from anything around… all she notices is that the earth is definitely purer somehow in this foreign country- she had taken to calling it that because _alternate reality_ seems too pathetic to comprehend. As Damon breathes in the familiar air around them, she notices how slightly his features have become softer at seeing this familiar home, she imagines for him it is like a weird version of home. She finds Katherine looking furiously from her balcony, and she imagines that quite a few vampires are going to get staked at her expense because Katherine finally did not get her way, the one who looks like her, and who clearly isn't a double of her (Elena swears their noses are different.) The group of vampires and Elena slowly trek their way up the pebbled path, Caroline in awe of the surroundings, just as much as Elena, and the boys seem like they know what is coming, like this was the original plan, and like they weren't all walking towards their death.

Her long Victorian-style dress trails behind her in a romantic manner, whilst his own tailored suit is cut to perfection. From afar this couple look like they're meant to be this idealistic old-fashioned image of king and queen. Elena wonders however if it wasn't for the pale pink fabric of her dress or if it wasn't for Damon's newly cut hair and 'beautifying' session, what would happen then? What if they had stayed Damon in his dirty jeans and black button-downs and Elena in her sweats and tank tops?

They (meaning Elena VS the Salvatore brothers) have a massive fight and the boys discover just who the infamous Emmy is, (he's the little boy they kicked out of the palace) and now that Elena knew of the prophecy they all felt pretty bad for her, so upon offer and by completely ignorant, and not particularly bothered by Katherine's demands they take her to the other side, and she was nervous to say the least.

The boys draw a sort of portal and they get bonnie to chant some Latin words and the door to Auntie Jenna's room automatically opens up a passage to the KP Kingdom's grounds.

The shimmering gold corset of her flowing dress is tightened to an almost crushing state of her lungs; her waist is pinched into the tiniest size she could image! Not only could she not _breathe _she couldn't think... who could've thought that it would be so frustrating and miserable to look this good.

She spins around in the After dinner Damon and Elena find themselves wandering the halls of the massive building, he's pointing out all of the

"I can feel you inside," she breathes slowly, her body so still, so statuette-like that no one could even pause upon the thought of moving a muscle.

"Would this be an appropriate time to say 'that's what she said'?" He asks, she can feel his smile against her hair.

She couldn't really say what it was, she couldn't breathe but she was fighting to, she was suffocating in this mixture of confused feeling.

His blood was burning inside her veins, this newfound connection between them had bonded the pair beyond recognition, they were in sync and it was as if the potion had made them share the most intimate secrets... The link hurts both of them physically and mentally, Elena feels drained because whilst there's a new energy around her the blood lost is too much for her system to bare, Damon ion the other hand couldn't shake her feelings, his head was exploding with different emotions, it all hit him at once. Both of them need to sit down and they find a friend in Stefan who carefully manoeuvres the both of them to the nearest sofa. He thinks he may have seen her seen his hand gently, an 'it's going to be okay' gesture, even if Stefan the only reason behind this new development.

"So if I were to, say, make you choose between Elena and me... you'd always decide that it was me that you want, because deep down you only ever, really love me?" Her innocent puppy eyes make him eat it up, because when it came to Katherine, Damon was, is, weak, she could pull his strings so easily, she knew what smiles to use, what words to use to make him nod helplessly like a baby, she knew how to create the air of 'Elena' around her.

"He will love you until that strong heartbeat of yours weakens to nothing, your heart will stop and you'll be changed forever, and then he won't love you. Nobody will love you because you will become a bloodthirsty monster, nobody will protect you, and you will be left to rot slowly in the burning sunlight, I assure you of that." Katherine said it as if this was a passing statement, like there was nothing wrong with what she was saying, like it was ordinary musings that she was just mulling over. At that precise moment Elena understood her "master plan", and in some ways the younger girl realised, she'd already achieved the first part of it. Elena didn't particularly need breaking, she was already in pieces, it was just a case of whether the heat can pass over her and turns into a comforting glow or she'll end up burning alive, Katherine obviously promises the latter.

_At 10 years old, she has failed an exam, she has never seen her parents so disappointed with the semi-lunar mark she brings home, Jeremy is making fun of her, and then she is crying silently under the covers of the night, the moon is the only comfort to her failure. Never once has she has never failed an exam since. Every time she gets districted she thinks of their sad eyes looking like their hearts have been broken, somewhat in anger, but more in utter disappointment with her. _

_She vows to be perfect._

_Now:_

_She has never made her parents disappointed. _

_She has never let Jeremy find a reason to laugh at her. _

_She is p e r f e c t. _

_Their funeral is a small affair; she holds Jeremy's hand and thinks that she needs to feel more than this numbness. She takes several comfort dishes and is there to comfort her new guardian- Aunt Jenna. She is there when Jeremy crumbles. Nobody is ever there when she does because she is strong, she is flawless. She is the glue that fills up the cracks in other people's tragedies- she is what mends them, she gives her all, little tiny fragments of her being to the people which deserve it the least. _

_At her brother's funeral she is standing by his coffin, her posture composed, and her lips thin with betrayal and with sadness. Her eyes are empty and the only connection she has to anything is her left hand stroking the white petals on the coffin. Her feelings are muddled because she wants to cry and shake and scream so badly that it hurts inside. But she doesn't._

_She has to stay p e r f e c t. _

It's a hazy dream, she realizes whilst she dreams, he is so upset about something that she has to sit down next to him and awkwardly hugs his side, he buries his face in her shoulder, she feels his unshaven stubble scratch below her collar-bone, she thinks she likes it.

He slyly licks his sticky lips, and she laughs at his childish nature, their jovial mood is radiating.

"Could you _please _stop referring to yourself as 'the beast'?" she practically begs him, her laugh still loud above all the passers-by.

"The beast does not appreciate that comment" She huffs and gives him a pointed look; her eyes alight with energy she hadn't felt in weeks, months.

She doesn't tell anybody the way he holds her hand, or the way her heart melts at his smile, or the fact that she knows no matter how rude or ignorant she is towards him he'll always, without doubt, have her back- he'd drop everything to do by her, to stand by her. Realising this was a welcome and quite disturbing thing because she knows she's the same... if he's in trouble she's the first to point a finger at anyone but him, she thinks he is just misunderstood, his good deeds he doesn't get enough credit for and his bad moments are remembered for far too long.

In the past, Elena thinks she may have come to a quick conclusion that she's simply being an incompetent idiot; she may have come to this conclusion because she may have believed she was simply _crushing _on the other brother, but she doesn't. Under the deep velvety darkness, instead, she realises that deep down she wasn't only drooling over his fit physique or the fact that she keeps having these strange dreams where they are queen and kind in their own personal kingdom, but instead she was properly in love with this man.

She was in love with Damon Salvatore and she was going to do her darn best to deny it.

"So here I am, I'm _trying;_ can you tell? I'm just trying to not let my pride get in the way, I'm trying to image what it would feel like for me to just simply love you with everything I have, my body my soul, Damon. I'm trying."

The loud gunshot cut through the thick, tense atmosphere of the drawing room.

**

* * *

**

**VII**

_**Dying**_

_No matter how close you are to death, always remember you are still alive._

_-Unknown_

The problem that she has always had is this: she is too much like Katherine in so many ways. To begin with she should've known to follow her heart and not get drawn into her stupid game.

"Forever is going to start tonight," her tune is soft and sweet, so unlike the scrutinizing gaze boring into hers, or rather Elena's familiar eyes. It should really send chills up her spine, the fact that Katherine has basically told Elena that she's going to break her for the rest of eternity, or she's going to turn her, or both. It doesn't scare her though, it produces no feelings what so ever from her because her meaningless existence is that, meaningless for everyone and everything around her. Elena has given up on herself and frankly she was not going to play this little _twisted_ game that Katherine gets off playing, she refuses to partake her part in some cleverly constructed play where Elena feels like a complete puppet, she's breaking these bounds free either way, if by her force of determination to completely ignore this bitch's game and just let her do whatever- at this point Elena would only care a little if she was drained dry and left in a ditch, there was only one prominent thought on her mind: _nobody would care anyway. _

This is a gift, but it comes with a price, she smiles cruelly, and bites into her neck, the sharp teeth tear into her pale skin and Katherine drains her until she's lifeless.

Years later, she imagines she'll still love him, the rain will be the same, the world probably wouldn't change either, she'll remember this gloomy night where only the rain and she are united, only her tears will be streaming down her pale skin and her heart dead cold. He just wasn't near enough for her, she missed him in the midst of this mess, of her life, his shadows always lurking amongst her daily life, but it is too late. She realises it now, he may have meant everything to her, he may have been her whole world, and now he will never know it. She sits, her feet tucked underneath her shaking body, the soft noise of the piano keys can be heard faintly from her iPod. The scratching sound of the fire with the hesitant sound of the keys mingle and dance as one, her arms are hugging h torso of her upper body, the music slows down to an echo of the final note and as her eyes finally shut the fire burns out.

She's his. She's only ever been with him; she's only been living for him, during this moment she realizes it, and she knows that she's lost him forever.

She's trying to string all of her, their memories, and make something out of their messed up relationship. She'll rise up for him, she realises that now, he's the only one, he's the one for her, she'll die, she'll do anything in her power to keep him safe away from _her_; she'd do anything. It all ended with a letter, and it was signed with her name.

Just before you gulp your last living breath, there's this moment of _life_, your last moment as your heart slows in your chest, and you feel it, that simple moment, like a tiny flicker of light from a burning candle, this moment which signifies your whole meaningless existence, your humanity. This moment was that moment, but once that moment is gone you drift into nothingness, until that flicker of the candlelight dulls from a dim flame to the last sparks of glowing red, until it finally completely goes out and your whole existence is wiped out from the rest of the world, your humanity, your life- all of it is gone, because so are you, you're gone into sea of dead, lifeless faces which drift into a dark gaping hole, you drift into nothingness because you are nothing. You are dead.

* * *

VIII

_**-What could've been?**__**Or otherwise known as their idea of heaven. **_

_I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have._

_Fannie Flagg_

**_Human World:_**

_She was in a very awkward position, the alarm clock reads 5.40 exactly, the stupid birds wouldn't stop chirping and it was all Caroline's fault. She had made her wear these ludicrous killer heels which had made her feet itch because the blisters wouldn't go away or stop itching, depending on which way you looked at it. She laid there a pillow over her head, on her face, a duvet covering the said pillow, legs out in the summer-like air, right leg straight, the other crossed over and furiously rubbing against the edge of the mattress, this is the life she thinks, only 50 minutes left to sleep. She was going to hell. _

_She wakes up nearly 6 hours later to video game sounds and the smell of fresh bacon. In a panicked state she begins to dress for school, trying to remember if she had forgotten to do something the night before, (homework, plants, etc.) she yells downstairs for Jeremy- or anyone really because she doesn't actually know who is downstairs, so instead of zipping her black skinny jeans up she hops downstairs to see the intruder. _

_She is met with the characteristic smile of one Damon Salvatore, and still in her confused haze she realizes what he is occupying himself with, and she glares at him because he is 'occupying himself with' undressing her with his eyes. He stops himself around her exposed midriff and actually gives her the most genuine smile he can manage as he notices just how cute she is, sleep still in her eyes and panic all over her face. _

"_What are you doing?" She asks, quickly._

"_Well I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed, a la français- croissants and all, but you decided to ruin it" He shrugs his shoulders carelessly as if this is a usual routine for them._

"_You're meant to be in Rome with Katherine," She says, narrowing her eyes._

"_I decided not to go." _

"_Just like that?"  
_

_"Just like that."_

**_Other World: _**

_Her long Victorian-style dress trails behind her in a romantic manner, whilst his own tailored suit is cut to perfection. From afar this couple look like they're meant to be this idealistic old-fashioned image of king and queen. Elena wonders however if it wasn't for the pale pink fabric of her dress or if it wasn't for Damon's newly cut hair and 'beautifying' session, what would happen then? What if they had stayed Damon in his dirty jeans and black button-downs and Elena in her sweats and tank tops?_

She was far too happy ruling over her wonderful people to even consider a reality where they are not these new versions of themselves. She thinks that as long they are together, nothing really matters.


End file.
